This week has been emotionally hard- for two years now my mom has not been here on Mother's Day. Last year was difficult because the feelings were so raw but luckily I had a newborn who kept me quite busy. This year I've had a lot more time to reflect.
I am in a different place than I was last year, a more healthy place. I don't think the wounds ever heal, there is never a moment you say 'Oh, I'm all better now.' That just doesn't happen. It's more like the wound becomes a battle scar, it's there to remind you of losing someone close, of the love you shared. But most of all, it's there to remind you that you are stronger because of it, that you can get through it, even if you're a different person when you come out on the other side.
So in a sense, you're mourning many things. The person you lost, the scar that will always be there and the innocent person you no longer are.
In reading the story of Job in our study bible, I read this piece of truth in the sidebar:
"Those whom God delivers from the depths of despair see things differently than those who have yet to experience such 'valleys' in life."
I do experience small moments of perspective. I rock my daughter to sleep because I know it will be all too soon before I'm tucking her into her big girl bed. I spend a little time taking care of myself because I need it. At the end of the day, I make sure I've loved my family a little more, gave more kisses, hugs and shared laughs.
